To Break Free

You are a victim of the rules
you live by.

To Go With You

Take me by the hand and we will run without ever looking back.

To Start Over

When you have run out
of weeping
only then will you
know
that there is light,
there is hope,
but you have to learn
how to begin
anew.

Now this may be the scariest feeling I’ve ever experienced…

I actually wrote this post a month ago, but since things changed suddenly is was impertanant. Well A LOT has changed in the past month and when I went back to read this it seemed relevant to mi current situation...and go figure with the same boy.

I’ve felt vulnerable before, but this…this is almost to an extreme. To the point that I often find miself question if I’m actually going to go through with it. But it needs to be done, it is absolutely vital that he knows…even if it means rejection. Being rejected, why do we fear that?? It’s just a simple little word, no, actually smaller that the opposite, yes…so why is it so scary to just lay your feelings out for the one you care about to see?? Although I hope that he accepts what I have to say, all rejection will lead to is the same…everything will remain the same. We will still stay the good friends that we are and have been for many years now. That is the one thing that he promised me…that we could always be honest with each other, which certainly apples to the current situation. And with a trusting friendship like that…why not try for something more??

I got the chance to talk to Chelsea...girl you have been a lifesaver…the cherry kind yumm!! =D She helped me realize that nothing is going to happen unless I take action. Otherwise I might miss out on mi chance for what could be the best thing that has and will happen to be and that I would regret forever if I didn’t confess mi feelings. && that is the best advice I have gotten so far…plus we are kinda in the same situation…falling in love with our best friends and everything. Although I may not, I certainly hope that I end up as happy as she is now!! Most of mi other friends that have advised me on this topic said “let him know how you feel and if he feels the same way then great! But if he doesn’t then don’t waste your time waiting on him to come around.”

The sad part about that is…I could wait for that boy forever.

Incomplete

Okay so I'm just saying, losing a best friend is the worst feeling on earth!!!! Well I didn't really lose her its just she is not on the guard anymore. Honestly I am afraid that I am going to lose her in reality because guard is what brought us together and i have a feeling that if she is not there, then things will change...for good.

I never thought mi eyes could produce this many tears or be so red...

Mi whole world is being turned upside down, I dunno how to handle anything or how to keep miself from breaking down. Every second is a fight to hold back the tears and for now...I'm losing horribly.

So I might be too fargone for mi own good...

Alright, so what has happened recently goes against everything that I have taught miself to believe...and I am enjoying ever minute of it!! Every moment that I spend with him is like no other, and there is this light that radiates brighter than no other. And for once in a long time I am accepting the fact that these hopeless, dependent, full of life feelings may be entering mi life again. The only thing I can use in comparison to everything is the happy upbeat music that comes on in a movie when the main character sees him...the boy she is falling for, yea that is beginning to happen in real life.

But along with all of mi current happiness, comes the suspicion...am I falling to fast and if I am, do I have enough stableness to catch miself before it is too late. Of course I knew this would happen from the moment things rekindled, because I missed him, everything about him. And the second that things began to turn for the best was the second that I fell for him again. Like I said in mi last post any other girl would be ecstatic, but obviously I can't just receive happiness with no questions asked.

Which leads to mi strange feelings that things won't turn out like I hope they will. I just keep hearing a voice, maybe one of reason, saying that love will cheat me out...again.

Full of Questions

Once you have convinced yourself that something will never happen, what do you do when that something comes back around? After years of thinking it was just a dream and nothing more, it's hard to believe that what I have been longing for may actually become a soon reality.

But is it all worth it?? To go through the same thing I did three years ago? But of course this time will be different, because life never plays out the some way twice....right?? But this is what I wanted, what I have always wanted. Any other girl would be ecstatic, but I guess you could say I'm no mundane girl. I mean, I know I should be happy.

It's just the fact that a wall that has been in the frantic building process for three years is a tad bit difficult to tear down in the span of a few weeks. I honestly can not make up mi mind between building the wall faster than ever before or letting miself fall for what he promised me once upon a time....