Friday, July 29, 2011

To Disarray

I don't really know what happened tonight. The one person that I thought would always be there for me no matter what kind of decision I made, isn't. Who do I turn to when the one I always turn to, my closest friend, is the one I can't talk to about it. I miss her already, I'm hoping this time away will fix things. Because a girl can only feel this barrier between her and her mother but for so long.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

To Leave It All Behind

When things first started out, I thought I wanted one thing. Come to find out...I wanted something completely different. And I'm totally content with it surprisingly. All of this is new to me but all the pieces finally seem to be coming together.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

To Remove The Weight

Finally, I can breathe cleanly. I'm officially ready to move on to the next chapter of my life because I know it will be happier and healthier than the last one. I finally feel no need to look backward and miss what I thought was there because I know that I can look forward to a brighter and better future.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

To Appreciate The Little Things

So there's this older gentleman that comes into the store just about everyday. At first I thought he was rather strange, but recently he's started to grow on me. He really is a sweet man that just seems to need a lot of help with his phone and has a lot of stories to tell. I've grown to enjoy these stories very much. Today he told me about his late wife and how he starts off every morning by picking whatever flower is in season in her garden and laying it on her grave, every single morning. He told me how he misses her so much sometimes but he knows that she doesn't want him to hurt in her absence. So he told me how he doesn't take a single day for granted and strives to find the little joys in life that make it worth living, worth going on without her. It was probably, and by probably I mean by far is the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my entire life! Before he left today, he told me that he'd see me soon because my company and my smile was one of those little joys for him (not in a creepy way, but completely genuine and honest). I don't think a stranger has every helped me as much as this man did today, and the truth is he probably doesn't even know it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

To Be Honest...

...I'd give anything to go just one day without at some point feeling completely broken.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

To Feel Strange

I've been in the weirdest mood today. Don't really know how to explain it...but I do know that I don't like it. I feel like things keep falling apart and I have no control over anything that happens anymore.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

To That Moment

I love that moment. When you're on a long car ride, or listening to music, or reading. And you completely zone out. You forget your troubles, and everyone around you. You're focused on that one thing, and that one thing only. You're content, and everything seems peaceful.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

To Be Relieved

And see with my own eyes that you're alright, lifted a million weights of my shoulders. Even through all the pain that you've been through, you still manage to smile and even crack jokes on comforting. Now here's to prayers for strength to get you through the road ahead and for steady determination that you've already shown. See you soon, i promise.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

To Pray

All of my thoughts and are with him right now. I'm so ready for him to call me with better news, I just want to hear from him that he's okayy. At least tomorrow I'll be able to get more information about what happened and about the future. Until then, I'll continue to hope that he has a full recovery and can return to his passion.

To Make a Choice

Everything that happens to us, the good and the bad, is part of us. It took me a long time to realize that it doesn't have to define who we are. We get to decide.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Too Finally See

It's funny how when you finally get over someone, you start seeing them in a whole new perspective. It's like you're looking at them through the eyes of your best friend; & you realize, he's nothing special. He's just another ordinary boy that wasn't good enough for you.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

To The Beauty Revealed

So, I've been smiling a lot lately. There's no specific reason, just happy. In the past few days, its like the little joys in life, the smallest perfect blemishes have been illuminated. And it is absolutely beautiful.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

To Heal

Today was strange...but in a good way. It was the first day that I was able to really think about everything and truly be at peace with all that's happened. I'm not sad, resentful, or bitter anymore. I've moved on and I'm ready for a fresh start. Finally, it just doesn't hurt anymore.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Sunday, July 10, 2011

To Hope You See This

Sometimes I wish you could truly see exactly what you've done to me.

To Keep On

I'm starting to feel it again. The exhaustion that consumes my entire day. I'm trying to be strong and fight it off because I don't want to go back to that place or being that person, but I'm just so tired.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

To Something Phenomenal

Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.

Friday, July 8, 2011

To Spin Madly On

Words can't even describe how beautiful this is to me.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

To Find The Lesson Learned

Sometimes you need to see that life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want. And though it hurts a lot, what should've happened, happened. Who should've left, left, and whatever's thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you're supposed to be.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

To Build A Blockade

With the advice and help from those that truly love me, I've disconnected all physical ties from the source of all my hurting. Now to start the long process of healing...finally.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

To Strive

I just want to be happy again. I want to forget everything thats happened and get back to the girl I used to be. To the life I used to have and love. But I can start to feel everything slowing slipping away from me...

To Hold It In

I'M SO FRUSTRATED. I don't think I can stay strong for much longer.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

To Let It Be

Eventually all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason.

Friday, July 1, 2011

To Hold Tight

Family is not always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.