Subject: Too Long To Text
Please believe me when I say I miss you. How much I miss our talks. Please believe me when I say that I understand…people change and they move on. I hate admitting this, even to myself, but I miss you terribly sometimes. So bad, in fact, that I can’t concentrate on anything else. I have to make myself not want you because otherwise you’re all I think about. I don’t want to, but I do and I’d pretty much give anything to not remember you, not to wish that our memories are the happiest we will ever be. I thought you said that we would still be close and yet I feel like I hardly know you anymore. I don’t mean to be so blunt about this…but maybe it’s the only way to get your attention, if you wanted to just disappear out of my life then you shouldn’t have blamed the distance for tearing us apart. Whatever the reason may be, I don’t really care now, I just want you to know that you’re the hardest thing to let go.
So take this however you please. But, I’m not the same girl I was when you met me; you hurt me, and made me stronger, you showed me how to love, and you showed me how to leave. But I’d give you my whole heart in a millisecond if you wanted me back.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but thank you. Because if you hadn't of come along, I never would have learned that my worst days could also have been my best. Because when a heart breaks, it also opens; and once a heart opens a number of things can happen, and some of them can be wonderful.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
You've taught me and showed me many things.
You've taught me I can love, that people can care about me. You showed me the feeling of being in someone’s arms when they mean the world to you. The feeling of compassion. So many wonderful things. Thank you for that. You've also showed me that people break promises, that people don't always hold true to their word. You've taught me that you can love someone more than anything in the world, yet hate them just as much. That just because someone says something, that doesn't mean it's true. You've showed me how bad it hurts to have the guy you love and thought loved you push you away and treat you as if you are worthless. You've showed me wonderful things just as well as horrible things. I do thank you for both. You've now prepared me for the harsh world I am entering. People who say they care, but don't always.
Thank you for teaching me early.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Yes, we've drifted. No, it's not because of me.
Yes, you're still a friend, but no, don't you dare expect me to be waiting hand and foot for you.
Yes, it may sound harsh, but no, I don’t care.
This isn't my fault. It’s yours. So just deal with the fact that you will never have me there for you anymore.
Friday, January 22, 2010
When your throat starts to clench and tingle && your heart gets so warm the heat travels through your body. When your stomach starts to feel those unforgiving butterflies that spark the instant flow of tears. That's the worst pain you'll ever feel. That's your heart breaking.
That feeling accompanies any thought that involves you && when you finally said heyy for the first time in a month, my heart crumbled to pieces on the floor surrounding me.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
After all this while, I really expected things to go back to normal. And I wanted things to get better, but you never really left my mind all this time.
I hate this feeling, it's like I just don't know you anymore.
Its four in the morning and I still can't get you out of my head. The music's just not drowning out the voices and the lyrics just aren't numbing the pain anymore.
It’s really hard to imagine life without you in it.
The truth of the matter is, I still believe in you. The truth of the matter is, I don't think I'll ever stop waiting for you.
Did you really expect me to go to the same places and see your face every time, and not to cry myself to sleep at night?
No, I won't go so far as to say that I'm fine, too much of what I felt for you remains. I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time, but the truth is I really can't say if I'm getting better or just getting used to the pain.
I bet you didn't know that before I fall asleep, you're all I think about. That as soon as I wake up, I can't get you out of my mind. I bet you didn't know I love you. Because that's just how much you don't care.
You asked me if I was alright, and shocked; I looked at you. "After ignoring me, you ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground, and jumped on it several times. Yeah; I'm alright, dumbass.”
I'm tired of people saying you're not worth my tears. If you weren't worth it, I wouldn't still be crying. You don't know it, but that boy changed my world. You'll never know how much he meant to me.
I think it’s pretty much impossible to forget someone who once was the only reason you smiled. You can’t just forget someone like that.
Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to you. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for your new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says that you're online. Or how when I miss you I read the things you told me months and months ago. I really wonder what you would say if you knew you meant that much to me.
I know someone better is out there, but I always find myself hoping you'd come back to me. Only wanting you.
I miss you more than anything...please say hi soon.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
It's funny how the less you talk, the more you begin to realize it was not meant to be. It's funny how slow it began, and how fast it ended. It's funny how he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. It's funny how when you finally moved on, he came running back.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I've been through hell && back. I spill stuff, trip && embarrass myself. Nobody's perfect. I've been lied to, cheated on, and had my heart broken. I've screwed up and I know I'll do it again. But every hit was worth it because I felt it. I knew it was real. Life is real. And I'm living it wrong everyday. I'm screwing up royally && I do everything in reverse. But, will I regret one single thing?? Never. Because at one point, what I did was what I wanted && I got my satisfaction from it. My life is mine && no one can screw it up for me anymore. I'm the real deal && I'd love to see you try and break me.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
So, please, just be patient. I'm so afraid to care about someone. I know it seems like I'm this strong girl who can get through anything, but inside I'm very fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, & each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.