Monday, December 22, 2008

So I might be too fargone for mi own good...

Alright, so what has happened recently goes against everything that I have taught miself to believe...and I am enjoying ever minute of it!! Every moment that I spend with him is like no other, and there is this light that radiates brighter than no other. And for once in a long time I am accepting the fact that these hopeless, dependent, full of life feelings may be entering mi life again. The only thing I can use in comparison to everything is the happy upbeat music that comes on in a movie when the main character sees him...the boy she is falling for, yea that is beginning to happen in real life.

But along with all of mi current happiness, comes the I falling to fast and if I am, do I have enough stableness to catch miself before it is too late. Of course I knew this would happen from the moment things rekindled, because I missed him, everything about him. And the second that things began to turn for the best was the second that I fell for him again. Like I said in mi last post any other girl would be ecstatic, but obviously I can't just receive happiness with no questions asked.

Which leads to mi strange feelings that things won't turn out like I hope they will. I just keep hearing a voice, maybe one of reason, saying that love will cheat me out...again.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Full of Questions

Once you have convinced yourself that something will never happen, what do you do when that something comes back around? After years of thinking it was just a dream and nothing more, it's hard to believe that what I have been longing for may actually become a soon reality.

But is it all worth it?? To go through the same thing I did three years ago? But of course this time will be different, because life never plays out the some way twice....right?? But this is what I wanted, what I have always wanted. Any other girl would be ecstatic, but I guess you could say I'm no mundane girl. I mean, I know I should be happy.

It's just the fact that a wall that has been in the frantic building process for three years is a tad bit difficult to tear down in the span of a few weeks. I honestly can not make up mi mind between building the wall faster than ever before or letting miself fall for what he promised me once upon a time....