Monday, December 22, 2008

So I might be too fargone for mi own good...

Alright, so what has happened recently goes against everything that I have taught miself to believe...and I am enjoying ever minute of it!! Every moment that I spend with him is like no other, and there is this light that radiates brighter than no other. And for once in a long time I am accepting the fact that these hopeless, dependent, full of life feelings may be entering mi life again. The only thing I can use in comparison to everything is the happy upbeat music that comes on in a movie when the main character sees him...the boy she is falling for, yea that is beginning to happen in real life.

But along with all of mi current happiness, comes the I falling to fast and if I am, do I have enough stableness to catch miself before it is too late. Of course I knew this would happen from the moment things rekindled, because I missed him, everything about him. And the second that things began to turn for the best was the second that I fell for him again. Like I said in mi last post any other girl would be ecstatic, but obviously I can't just receive happiness with no questions asked.

Which leads to mi strange feelings that things won't turn out like I hope they will. I just keep hearing a voice, maybe one of reason, saying that love will cheat me out...again.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Full of Questions

Once you have convinced yourself that something will never happen, what do you do when that something comes back around? After years of thinking it was just a dream and nothing more, it's hard to believe that what I have been longing for may actually become a soon reality.

But is it all worth it?? To go through the same thing I did three years ago? But of course this time will be different, because life never plays out the some way twice....right?? But this is what I wanted, what I have always wanted. Any other girl would be ecstatic, but I guess you could say I'm no mundane girl. I mean, I know I should be happy.

It's just the fact that a wall that has been in the frantic building process for three years is a tad bit difficult to tear down in the span of a few weeks. I honestly can not make up mi mind between building the wall faster than ever before or letting miself fall for what he promised me once upon a time....

Sunday, October 26, 2008

If I could wish anything away, it would be this...

So, I knew today would be a really tough day, but I never knew that I could ever feel this empty, this....defenseless. I finally accepted the fact that maybe two worlds cannot converge and diverge without causing disaccord which has now led to a broken heart; a broken soul. Since the break-up I told miself that I would be strong, that I would not show weakness, that I would not cry...I refused to diminish mi character in this way. For six months I did not shed a single tear, not one, because I made a promise to miself that I would not be one of those girls that could not live without...him. That I would be fine without him, which I am, I would not let mi life revolve around some...guy. It must have just been the date, just a silly number that caused me to finally break down, to show weakness. Maybe this was a result of bottling up half a years worth of change, to simply pick up the bits and pieces of mi heart and rinse them under the coolness of mi own tears. I do not regret the decision that I made nor do the tears have meaning, which leads me to the question:

if I have given romance a shot and it did not work out for me, then what's next...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Where to begin...

It is said that first impressions will always determine how you picture a person, I say people change, they always do; first impressions are never set in stone. Pause, before I get into actually blogging I want to thank Chelsea because I was messing around on facebook and found a link on her page that led me to her blog. I have been wanting for so long to put some of the thoughts I have on paper, or well the keyboard if you want to get literal, but I have never considered blogging. When I saw her blog and the way she could express herself, I thought 'maybe she is on to something here...'

Well first off a little about myself:
My name is Heather Michelle Coley. I am a JR at PHS. When I first meet people I am extremely shy, but once I get to know someone I become extremely outgoing. I have been through a lot in the measly seventeen years I've been on this earth, but I mean heyy who hasn't? I have gained friends and lost friends, had love and pushed love away, witnessed birth of new life and watched life slowly slip away, enjoyed happy moments and cried my share of tears. I've learned to build my life on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. I'm not yet sure what life's meaning is, I may never know but I do know that I will spend mine trying to figure it out. Although it may help to define exactly what I want out of my life, which is still a mystery. Once upon a time, I believed in fairy tales and that mushy gushy love stuff that can be only read in books, then I was introduced to the real world. But do not get me wrong love is a great thing...if it is with the right person, whom I am patiently waiting on.

Well that is enough for tonight,