Wednesday, April 20, 2011

To Stay Through The Hurt

I don't really know what to do. I mean I want to be with you and that's not going to change, no matter what. But this news just hurts, really really hurts. I'd give anything to not think about it for just a minute or two because its been the only thing on my mind for the past 2 days. And thinking about it make me feel sick, physically sick. Yes, I'm glad you drove all the way out to see me and be there for me through the worst of it last night, but still...I just can't seem to shake this. I've had to surround myself with people all day because I'm afraid that if I'm alone...even for a second...that I'll have another panic attack and you're too far away to put your arms around me in order to calm me down this time. Part of me wishes I never knew so at least I wouldn't have to deal with thinking about it all the time. This is literally the hardest thing I've ever had to endure and I'm not really sure how to handle it.

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