Tuesday, January 19, 2010
To Let It All Out
After all this while, I really expected things to go back to normal. And I wanted things to get better, but you never really left my mind all this time.
I hate this feeling, it's like I just don't know you anymore.
Its four in the morning and I still can't get you out of my head. The music's just not drowning out the voices and the lyrics just aren't numbing the pain anymore.
It’s really hard to imagine life without you in it.
The truth of the matter is, I still believe in you. The truth of the matter is, I don't think I'll ever stop waiting for you.
Did you really expect me to go to the same places and see your face every time, and not to cry myself to sleep at night?
No, I won't go so far as to say that I'm fine, too much of what I felt for you remains. I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time, but the truth is I really can't say if I'm getting better or just getting used to the pain.
I bet you didn't know that before I fall asleep, you're all I think about. That as soon as I wake up, I can't get you out of my mind. I bet you didn't know I love you. Because that's just how much you don't care.
You asked me if I was alright, and shocked; I looked at you. "After ignoring me, you ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground, and jumped on it several times. Yeah; I'm alright, dumbass.”
I'm tired of people saying you're not worth my tears. If you weren't worth it, I wouldn't still be crying. You don't know it, but that boy changed my world. You'll never know how much he meant to me.
I think it’s pretty much impossible to forget someone who once was the only reason you smiled. You can’t just forget someone like that.
Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to you. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for your new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says that you're online. Or how when I miss you I read the things you told me months and months ago. I really wonder what you would say if you knew you meant that much to me.
I know someone better is out there, but I always find myself hoping you'd come back to me. Only wanting you.
I miss you more than anything...please say hi soon.