Thursday, December 1, 2011

To Wake Up Sobbing

I thought sleep would be an escape from this horrible place in which I've found myself. But for the past week, every time I close my eyes I dream that we work everything out and things magically fall back into place. They say you can't feel when you're in a dream...I say, false. Because every time I do, my heart races and I swear I start smiling in my sleep. Everything is so wonderful and I feel like things are beginning to look up for me...then I wake up. I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs and crying my eyes out. It's like feeling that initial loss over and over and over again. Sleep used to always be my escape from reality, but now I find myself avoiding it. I feel as if I just can't win. I'm either awake, angry and bitter with my life, or waking up from temporary happiness, sad and heartbroken once again.

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